I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
two words: eviction party
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Im part way to drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
