party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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