well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
