Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
