Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
