Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
