maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
