If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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