I like to think it a success when the cops are called
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
