MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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