Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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