I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
