I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
