DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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