This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
