I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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