Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
