laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
