no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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