also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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