Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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