Your dad touched me again.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
