I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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