She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
