Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
