So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
