i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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