It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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