it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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