one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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