YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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