dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
