It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize