I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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