remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
