I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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