I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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