It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
