I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
