I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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