I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
