do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
