Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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