Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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