I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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