i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
