So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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