Your face is a jimmy john
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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