That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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