If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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