Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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