The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
