Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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