I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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