So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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