apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
