i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
