11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
