What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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