If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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