Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize