Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
