There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
