she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
