I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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