Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
