Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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