my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize