Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
