That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
