Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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