I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
