I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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