I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
