maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
