I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
