you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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