Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
