I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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