hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
