I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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