i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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