he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
